Flash Fiction- Half a Mini-Van with a Victorian Fan pt. 1

April 17, 2008 at 11:26 am (Flash Fiction, Rough Draft, Writting) (, , , )

 This is a visual prompt I used for this flash fiction, the photo was suplied by Dave Accampo creater of the Wormwood podcast. This is just the first piece in a two or three piece set.


            There we were in the middle of some kind of fuzzy haze, the kind you could only get from too much alcohol and not enough food to soak it up with. We were speeding down the interstate in what I could only describe as dilapidated Mini-van with its roof torn off. I asked the driver “What’s up with the roof?” but he only looked at me and laughed. He was obviously a mad man!

            He had picked up Harold and me about three towns back. He met us in a diner told us “I like the way you guys look” then the small talk ensued. As we chatted over the fresh smell of Pancakes and breakfast meats we discovered our destinations were the same. We were all fan boys of the Victorian era on our way to a Victorian themed shindig!

            If it wasn’t for the two shots I used to Irish up my coffee I would have thought it fate that we would run into this man after we discovered our car could no longer perform the function in which it was made.  That’s what we get for buying some foreign piece of crap! We should have gone with a Ford instead of an Audi, what kind of name is Audi anyway?

            Harold and I were already in costume, I was dressed as Prince Albert Victor, Duke of Clarence. Harold was dressed as Warrior Poet, a true irony. The guy got off on ironic stuff like that.

             On lookers gawked in amazement as our driver swerved between cars, well I think he swerved. I will admit it probably looked quite queer, three men dressed as Victorian noble me in a Mini van with out a roof. Not to mention that all three of them were drunk off their ass.

            Harold drew the ire of the motorist as he decided the middle of a interstate was as good as any to take a piss. Not waiting for us to pull over he stood up and let forth. I kind of felt sorry for the guy in the coverable behind us, but that only lasted for a moment until I saw he was in an Audi. I threw my half drank beer, some light pilsner that I found rolling around on the floor, at the convertible aiming for the Audi symbol. I missed.

            “Hey Phil” I couldn’t remember the drivers name so I just started to call him Phil, “How much longer? That was the last of the beer!” The driver just smiled at me and he veered hard to the right, cutting of drivers and almost slamming us into the guard rail. We went down an exit ramp going god knows what speed and merging into traffic. Phil didn’t say a word as we took a short tour of what ever the fuck town we were in. He stopped us at some convenient store and handed me a fifty.

            “How ever much this buys!” Phil screamed at me or maybe he said it. “None of that expensive shit ether, the cheapest you can get! We are going to hit this shindig like monsters!”

            Harold laughed and growled in the back seat imitating some kind of monster. He hopped around the back crushing beer cans as if he was Godzilla or something. I think it was time to cut him off, until we get a bit closer to Salt Lake.

            I hurried into the store, my state getting dangerously close to sober. The shop keep looked at me weird, as if he had never seen Prince Albert Victor, Duke of Clarence before. I couldn’t stop and give him a history lesson I was on a mission. I looked around until I found what I though looked like the cheapest beer, and grabbed about forty bucks worth.

            I placed my payload on the counter and handed the man the bill. He eyed me oddly, cautiously. I smiled figured I could give him a short explanation in to who I was, “I’m Jack the Ripper”. The man’s face looked puzzled as he smiled and nodded. Education is the wave of the future I always say. The bell rang and I looked to the door, Harold had run out of cans to crush and decided to find out what all the hubbub was about in the store.

            “You’ve come to spy on me?” I accused Harold.

            “I’m thirsty and you’re taking to long”

            “I’ve only been in here ten minutes you cretin”

            “I know, it’s too long”

            “Damn it! I had to pick out the beer, bring it to the desk, he has to ring it up and I have to pay for it. This stuff takes time! Go back to the car I will be out there as soon as I get my change!” I picked up the nearest thing, one of those chocolate Easter eggs and threw it at Harold and I turned back to the Shop Keep, “Put that on the bill too, I love those things”.

            The Shop Keep scanned all the products and punched in the tax while I pulled out a piece of gum from my pocket. The loud smacking sound must have annoyed the man behind the counter because he looked at me in disgust. I was offended and was about to say something when he shoved the change into my hand.

            I gave him a smile and managed the beer so I wouldn’t have to make a second trip. When I neared the car Harold jumped out, jumping like a total git. Extremely excited to crack open one of these cases. He was a weird one, but I didn’t hold it against him.

            I opened the slider door to the back and stacked the cases for easy access. It was still a five hour drive to SLC, to the shindig and we were going to need it to fly by.   



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